Wage Before Beauty

by Chris Dämn

An uneasy feeling came over Ethan as he sat waiting for an answer. He begins to sweat and his breathe heavy. His face goes pale and he clutches his fists as he whispsers to himself, "something isn't right." He pats around his pockets trying to find his phone. His mind races, wondering what it is that could be wrong. His heart begins to race as he pats around one more time. He then notices his phone on the floor under the table and quickly leans down to pick it up.

"Sir?" he hears above the table and jolts up, hitting his head on the hard marble table.

"Ow! Fuck! What?" Ethan exclaims in pain and grabs the back of his head.

"We have no white bread, is wheat okay?"

Ethan rubs the back of his head and looks at his hand covered in blood. "No," he says in shock.

"Well, in that case would you like an extra side of sausage on the house?" She asks without looking past her notepad.

"God, please, no!" he says once again from shock.

"We have vegetarian options such as strawberries and bananas. Would you like one or both of those?"

"I want an ambulance!" he shouts in pain.

"I'll have to go ask the chef if we have that on the menu today. One moment, Sir." She walks away from the table as he falls forward onto the table and rolls off onto the floor.

She comes back saying, "that's on the menu to-" and trips over him. "Ugh, Sir, this is no place to take a nap! I'm calling the police! You made me break a nail, too!"

Twenty minutes later the police arrive. They ask her about Ethan's lifeless bloody body laying on the resturant floor. She explains that he must have just fell asleep when she went to ask the chef a question for him. They automatically rule out foul play and search his body for identification. There was no wallet, but they found his car keys.

They find his car in the parking lot and hear thumping from the trunk. They open it and see two small children. The waitress ends up getting a fourth of the reward money for finding the kids. The cops are unsure where the other three fourths of the trillion dollar reward went.

Moral of the story. Act your wage. The rest of the world will work itself out.

End