Love at First Crisis

by Chris Dämn

"She loves me," Adam looks up at Eve. "She loves me not." Eve continues to lay still. "Oh, c'mon, Eve, do you love me or not?" He puts the bolt cutters onto another toe and clamps it down. Still, she remains silent. He sighs and moves the bolt cutters to the next toe.

"You love me?" Adam stares right at Even while chopping off another toe. "Tell me you love me, Eve!" he shouts with tears in his eyes. Throwing down the bolt cutters he stands and shouts, "Why can't you just say it?"

Adam paces around the room, shouting over and over, "Why? Why? Why?" He stops in his tracks, "Oh, silly me." Grabbing the handle of the machette and pulling it out of her throat he says with a giggle, "Guess it's hard to talk with something in your throat, huh?" He pets her hair, "Now, please, tell me you love me, Eve?"

A clump of blood falls out of Eve's slashed neck, followed by her tongue. Her body falls over while Adam claps in excitement. "I love you too! See, it wasn't that hard was it?" As he leans down to give Eve a kiss, the phone rings. "Oh, don't go anywhere babe. You know I've been expecting this call!"

"Hello?" Adam sings into the phone.

A voice over the phone says, "Come out with your hands up! We have you surrounded!"

Adam stomps his feet with joy and shouts to Eve in the other room, "The paramedics are here, hun! You and the baby are going to be just fine!"

The police squad break down the door as Adam races into the room. They all raise their guns at him as he points in her direction, "She's in there! She's going to have the baby any second now!" he says with a huge smile. "Hurry now, she's already crowning!" he shouts.

Joseph clamps his shoulder com, "Mary, did you fuck up the locations again?"

Mary slowly puts down her chips, wipes her fingers, and then says, "Look, I just repeat what is on the monitor, okay? Y'all barely even pay me enough to do that much."

"Mary, there's a woman having a baby here. Which means you sent a normal ambulance to a murderous psycho's location to get killed! Do you hear me?"

"Sounds like a you problem, I quit."

"Psycho? I'm not a fucking psycho!" Adam screams while stabbing Joseph in the neck.

Two seconds later, the bomb inside Eve explodes. Crumbling the whole house. As the dust begins to settle from the explosion, Adam sits up from the debris and coughs out some dust. "Okay, maybe a little psycho."

End