Free

by Chris Dämn

“You hear that?”, Clyde asks.

Amy sits very still, ramen hanging out of her mouth, and listens. “Hear what?”, she mumbles.

Clyde lifts one ass cheek and lets out a huge fart and laughs hysterically.

“Holy Hell, Clyde, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“More room out than in!”, he says while still chuckling.

“Jesus fucking Christ man, that sounded like you a mac truck losing energy going up a mountain.”

Clyde continues to laugh.

“Oh God, the smell. What did you eat?” Amy begins to pretend to gag. “It's like a whole chicken laid a dozen eggs inside of you and then died and the eggs went bad and cracked!”

Clyde starts laughing even harder and falls to the ground. “I can't breathe!”

“Well, neither can I now that you've played the ultimate brown note!”

Clyde, still laughing, starts coughing and gasping for air.

“Sucks having a wife that's funnier than you doesn't it?”

Clyde coughs up blood.

“Clyde?” Amy goes to his side and holds him. “Baby, are you okay?” She starts to panic as more and more blood comes out. “Clyde! No!” she screams in terror.

Clyde lays still and Amy begins to sob uncontrollably. He then lets in a large gasp of air. “I shouldn't have used so many blood capsules. I think I swallowed one.”

“You stupid son of a fuck!” Amy screams.

“Sucks having a human more morbid than you doesn't it?”

“I'll show you morbid you fucking asshole!” Amy stands up, picks up the chair she was sitting in, and starts bashing Clyde with it. “You think death is funny mother fucker?” she continues to scream and hit him with the chair.

“Ow! Fuck! Stop! I'm sorry! Please stop!”

She continues hitting him until the chair leg falls off. “You want morbid, you fucking asshole?”

Clyde lays bruised. “No, please, no!”

Amy picks up the chair leg and smashes it through Clyde's head. “Now I am more funny and the morbid one you piece of fucking shit!” She stands over his dead body, breathing heavily, and lets out a scream. The scream turns into a laugh. She begins to shake as she laughs.

“I'm... free...”, her voice sounding like 3 people talking at once. Her eyes glow red. She laughs once more, again sounding like 3 people at once, and bursts into flames.